Into the waters

Usually I would have written something like this under my real name on my religion blog, but because I feel rather exposed because of the material, I'm posting it here, so please forgive me.

I think the first real religious choice I made for myself was being baptized. I was raised in a non-denominational Christian household. While there was no real set age to get baptized, there was still this unspoken guideline that you were supposed to be baptized [as a child] by 8-years-old. Thankfully, my parents didn't really push it. They figured I would make that choice when I was ready. I realize [now] though, I was still expected to choose what they chose.

 

I could have just as easily been any other religion, depending on what the tradition of my family had been. From a young age, I thought, "What are the chances they are right?" Not because I knew much about other religions traditions as much as I knew some believed in God and/ or Christ and some didn't. I didn't want to give my life and energy to a fairy tale.

So I waited. I was 12 when I got baptized. I'm still not certain if I chose it more out of expectation or pure acceptance of Jesus Christ. Don't get me wrong. I believe in Christ. I believe He was a good dude and that He probably is the link to help me get back to God [because of my own imperfections]. But other Christians would call me less of a Christian because of my non-literalism when concerning the Bible. And as time has gone on, I've taken less literally.

I made the choice to be re-baptized, into Mormonism, when I was 18. Again. This I really wonder if I had understood and known all I know now, would I have made that choice? I seriously doubt it. And because of Mormons believing being baptized by proxy for their kindred dead, I have been literally baptized so many times that I cannot count or recall it. Each time because someone else told me it's what was expected of me. But I walked into the water of my free will. The "authorized" person put their one hand behind me, raise their hand and said their words, dunk me entirely under the water, and lift me out of the water again. It was an emotionally moving experience each time. 

I still am doubtful that baptism in itself will or did save me. Yeah it was me giving my life to God. In that I was sincere, even if I think the act itself was unnecessary.